Bhumor Funny Jokes

Redneck Jokes Humor and Satire
Funny redneck jokes, humor and satire. Read a redneck joke. Let a little redneck humor brighten your day.

• Give him some whiskey
  26 Apr 2008 at 2:50am
  During a recent hot spell in Atlanta a hillbilly collapsed on the street. Immediately a croud gathered and began offering suggestions.

  "Give the poor man a drink of whiskey," a little old lady said.

  "Give him some air," a man cried out.

  "Give him some whiskey," she cried again.

  Several other suggestions were made and the victim suddenly sat up and hollered, "Will all of you shut up and listen to the little old lady?"

  Give him some whiskey

• Redneck Wedding Guidelines.
  25 Jun 2008 at 8:24pm
  Announcement:

  It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).

  Invitations:

  Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin' on the 14th of March, why don't you stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o'clock….
  Redneck Wedding Guidelines.

• Redneck Wedding Tips
  25 May 2008 at 2:15am
  Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

  It's is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.

  When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

  A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but also a proven fly deterrent.

  For the groom: A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
  Redneck Wedding Tips

• Ventriloquist
  25 Apr 2008 at 6:43am
  A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain in an Arkansas bar. He's going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says threateningly, "I've heard just about enough of your smart mouth hillbilly jokes – we ain't all stupid here in Arkansas!"

  Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy interrupts him and says, "You stay out of this mister– I'm talking to the smart mouth little fella on your knee!"
  Ventriloquist

• What Would Happen At The Redneck Olympics?
  13 May 2008 at 2:03am
  The Olympic Village would be replaced with the Olympic Trailer Park.

  The opening Ceremony would be a Skynyrd tape and a trunk full of bottle rockets.

  Doves released during opening ceremonies would be promptly shot by the crowd and sold as concession snacks.

  The big event would be the 100m Cousinchase.

  Another big event would be moonshine making.

  The decathlon would be cancelled because no one would know what it meant.

  Instead of shooting at boring targets, archers would shoot at muskrats and ATF agents.

  What Would Happen At The Redneck Olympics?

• You Might Be A Redneck If #4
  6 May 2008 at 2:50am
  You re-use dental floss to save money.

  You've ever drunk mouthwash just because you're too lazy to walk down to the liquor store.

  Your homecoming basketball game was rained out.

  Your baseball bat "ain't never been used on a ball, but it's sure hit plenty of other things."

  Your kids learned to shoot before they learned to walk.

  You place a classified asking less than $1.

  You think the freeway is the back door of the movie theater.

  Higher math means counting over 10.

  The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.
  You Might Be A Redneck If #4

Funny Redneck Jokes

• Expensive Redneck Fishing Trip
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:08pm
  Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.
  They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
  They spend a fortune.
  The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.
  The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third [...]
  Expensive Redneck Fishing Trip
• Expensive Redneck Fishing Trip
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:08pm
  Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.
  They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
  They spend a fortune.
  The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.
  The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third [...]
  Expensive Redneck Fishing Trip
• Redneck car wash
  26 Jan 2009 at 8:23pm
  Redneck car wash
• Redneck car wash
  26 Jan 2009 at 8:23pm
  Redneck car wash
• Redneck comments
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:05pm
  Exclamations:
  “Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!”
  “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
  Threats:
  “I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle.”
  “This’ll jar your preserves.”
  “Don’t you be makin’ me open a can o’ whoop-ass on ya!”
  Good Things/Compliments:
  “Cute as a sack full of puppies.”
  “If things get any better, I may have to hire [...]
  Redneck comments
• Redneck comments
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:05pm
  Exclamations:
  “Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!”
  “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.”
  Threats:
  “I’ll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle.”
  “This’ll jar your preserves.”
  “Don’t you be makin’ me open a can o’ whoop-ass on ya!”
  Good Things/Compliments:
  “Cute as a sack full of puppies.”
  “If things get any better, I may have to hire [...]
  Redneck comments
• Redneck Logic
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:11pm
  Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
  The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
  “What’s logic?” the first redneck asked.
  The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own [...]
  Redneck Logic
• Redneck Logic
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:11pm
  Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
  The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
  “What’s logic?” the first redneck asked.
  The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own [...]
  Redneck Logic
• Redneck naming the twins
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:03pm
  A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
  Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
  He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is [...]
  Redneck naming the twins
• Redneck naming the twins
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:03pm
  A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed.
  Regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
  He asked his brother how his wife was doing and his brother said, “Don’t worry, everybody is [...]
  Redneck naming the twins
• Valentines, Redneck Style
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:02pm
  Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue
  And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
  Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
  Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.
  You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
  You ain’t got no scales, but I luv you anyway.
  You’re as graceful as okry, [...]
  Valentines, Redneck Style
• Valentines, Redneck Style
  23 Jan 2009 at 10:02pm
  Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue
  And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
  Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
  Softer than Blue’s and without all them fleas.
  You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
  You ain’t got no scales, but I luv you anyway.
  You’re as graceful as okry, [...]
  Valentines, Redneck Style